A New Start

I've been feeling really down lately, but I don't wanna talk about it. I need to move on and stay positive! After a breakdown, I shaved my horrible neck beard. I figured that if I wanted to be a new person, I'd better start by looking like a new person. I think I look great now and I feel a lot better. So that why I haven't been posting much. Anyways, I need to start drawing again. I have a couple of new OCs that I thought of, but they need more development. I plan to post some pictures soon, so please stay tuned!

No Love For Loser

Yesterday was pretty eventful, but before I tell you that, I must back track a little bit. A few days ago a met a kid online through an acquaintance. I don't wanna blatantly talk about him to complete strangers, so I shall assign him the nick name, "Harmony." In fact that's his internet handle, so if he reads this then he'll know I'm talking about him, but whatever. He is a cool guy. I became pretty attached to him and was able to call him a friend much sooner then I could for most people. Anyways, he joined my R.O.H.A.N. group, (It's an online video game) Our group talks on Skype a lot. It's kind of our temporary place to plan stuff for the game or just chat. Long story short, he fell in "love" with another member. We'll call her "Compulsia." Now, I use quotation marks around love, not because I doubt his feeling towards her, but mainly because I can never determine the difference between love and crush for people other then myself.

They kept their attraction a secret but Harmony is a very obvious person and I figured it out on my first guess. I was told to keep it a secret, which I am... Unless you count typing this, but whatever, haha. So the next day, which was yesterday, Harmony invited both Compulsia and myself to hang out with him. I haven't had a chance to meet him in person, so I jumped at the chance to get outta the house. We had a pretty good time, but I knew I was only there for one reason. I was the connection between Harmony and Compulsia. I was there to back him up and make it seem as though he wasn't coming on too strongly. Regardless, I had a good time. Finally, a little after 10pm, they dropped me off at my house. About 5-10 mins later, I went outside to my garage fridge to grab a beverage. They were still there. Her car was still parked in my driveway. I playfully ran over and made a "shooing" motion with my arms. Then I saw it. They were making out in my fucking driveway. They saw me and drove away quickly.

Now, I wasn't furious, nor was I that mad. They are my friends and I want them to be happy. That's why I agreed to go in the first place. Instead, I became very sad and a little envious. It seems that everyone is either content with being single or in a relationship, except me. I'm in love, but that person doesn't love me back. We are great friends and he is an amazing person, but he doesn't share the same feelings for me that have for him. It's a situation were he will never love me back. Normally I try not to think about it, which is doable but nearly impossible, but last night just made me realize how lonely I am. I turn 18 later this month, and I've never been in a relationship. Well, that's not really the problem, because I don't want just a relationship. I want his love... I'm gonna go draw now. Thanks for reading this.

Parties

Whenever I go to parties, or any social gathering, I vomit. I can't control it. I get nervous and self conscious, then next thing I know, my stomach starts rumbling. Luckily, I can feel it coming, so I can go to a bathroom or a bush, but it still sucks. Sometimes, before I hang out with certain friends, or God forbid, while I'm hanging out with them, I'll vomit. I've been to the doctor and they see nothing wrong with me. I think it's a psychological thing. Regardless, my mother doesn't seem to care at all. There are so many things that I wish to do, but until I can get over my stomach issues, they will be but a dream.

A Short Introduction

I've decided to start a blog about whatever and whomever I find interesting. I love many things and hate even more. I may tell you about cool things in my life or the world around me, or I might just express my dislike for something. Either way, I hope that you'll read about it. There isn't much going on in my life at this very moment, so I suppose I'll tell you a little bit about me.

I'm the UberLoser. I'm seventeen years old, and I just finished high school. I've never had a job, and I have no idea what I want to do with my future. I want to do what will make me happy, but not much actually does. I play a lot of video games and read a bunch of manga, mainly as an escape from reality. Now, don't get me wrong, my life doesn't suck, it's not great, but it doesn't suck. I just feel the need to leave everything and everyone behind for a few hours every now and then, and emerge myself in a world of complete fiction. It's fun pretending to be someone else for a change, wouldn't you agree?

People tell me that I'm kind of a dick. I don't disagree with them, for I can be very harsh sometimes, but I usually don't intend to be. I think it's a combination between my aspergers syndrome, which makes me unaware of how most people feel, and my quick wit. Sometimes it seems like people are just asking to be taunted. I don't single out people that are "weird" or "dorky" or whatever, just people I find offensive. I'm trying to change. You know, turn the other cheek, but it's not very easy for me.

So anyways, welcome to my blog. I hope you'll return when I post something more interesting.